Hard, But Not Impossible: Reaching Your Goals at 40+
Why belief matters more than you think
Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy theory: in simple terms, what we believe we’re capable of is one of the strongest predictors of whether we’ll even try. If you believe you can do something, you’re far more likely to take action. If you believe you can’t, you probably won’t even start. At 40+, with busy lives, family responsibilities, and bodies that may not always cooperate, it’s easy to convince ourselves that change is out of reach. But often it’s not the reality that stops us, it’s the story.
The Danger of Protective Stories
Protective stories can sound like:
- “I’ll start again Monday.”
- “I can’t run anymore... I’ll be too slow.”
- “I used to be fit, but I couldn’t get back there now.”
They feel like shields against failure, but they’re really barriers to growth. Psychologists call this self-handicapping which means giving ourselves reasons not to try, so the disappointment hurts less. The biggest problem with this is that it also steals the joy of finding out what’s still possible.
Small Wins Build Belief
The quickest way to shift your story is through small wins.
When my children were little, I couldn’t always get to the gym, but I could go for a 20-minute run or walk. That one small step gave me energy, confidence, and proof that I could still do something for myself.
Research shows small wins compound. Each success strengthens belief and makes the next step easier. Over time, that’s how real change happens.
Why Calm Creates Progress
Sustainable change doesn’t happen in survival mode. When stress is high, the inner voice gets louder: “It’s too hard.” “I’ll never manage this.”
When we slow down and create calm, progress feels easier. It’s why I always say sometimes we need to slow down to speed up.
Inside my coaching, when women drop perfectionism, focus on realistic minimums, and measure progress in more than just the scales, things shift. They feel calmer, believe in themselves more, and actually see results that last.
Reflection for You
If you’ve been telling yourself it’s harder for you, your challenges are real, but they don’t have to be the end of your story.
Try reflecting on these:
- What’s the story you tell most often about why it’s harder for you?
- Is that story protecting you, or is it limiting you?
- If you approached today with a beginner’s mind, what’s one small step you’d be curious enough to try?
Journal prompt: Write this sentence: “Just because I think it doesn’t mean it’s true.” Then list the stories that hold you back and ask for each one — is it fact, or is it fear?
Yes, it might be harder at 40+, but harder doesn’t mean impossible. The stories you tell yourself don’t have to be the full stop.
Start with one small, doable step...not the perfect one, just the next one. That’s where belief builds, momentum grows, and real progress begins.